These Days

I know I don't blog very often, and when I do it, it is usually related to my walk with God. But the truth is, I believe it when I hear people say time is running out. I've played around long enough. I'm tired of playing. I'm tired of dealing with the same stupid emotions day after day after day. I'm tired of circumstances dictating my attitude and outlook instead of the other way around.

When this year began, I was in a bad spot. Last year had been one of the worst yet, and I was tired of feeling like the whole year had been a waste...a horrible memory to be forgotten. It seemed like each year was worse than the one before and last year was the last straw. This year began and I was desperate. I had to make a decision whether I was going to do what I wanted or finally, completely surrender to God and His will.

I chose the latter. And this has been the best year I've had in a while. Granted, I've had LOTS of struggles and opportunities to give up and have lost lots of battles with my emotions. But I'm so determined that nothing is going to stop me. God has a plan and purpose for my life, and I'm going to spend the rest of my life doing just that. God has been bringing the old dreams I had back to me. Things I felt in my spirit that were later confirmed in the mouths of others. I KNEW it was true. I KNEW that's what God had for me. But I lost it.

I feel like every blog is the same thing. But that's the story of my life these days. Each day is a new day with frustrations and trials. Each day is a new chance to take the things I'm learning and put them into practice. Each day is a new chance to FINALLY give up EVERYTHING that I have held onto for so long. After all, where did it get me? Nowhere, except crying with a broken heart...frustrated and tired of fighting. But why am I wasting my strength fighting a battle He already won for me? What's the purpose?

So I'm having to let go of everything I hold dear. All my precious dreams I keep hidden, waiting for the day they come true. But in return, He is giving me so much more!

This week has been challenging, but I realize there are things in me that need to come to the surface so I can get rid of them and therefore be more like Him. That is the journey I'm on right now. And it's not very pretty sometimes. I feel like my head is spinning so fast from all the different things I'm learning and trying to put into practice in my life. But God promised His Word would not fail. So I'm clinging to that. Because He is faithful who promised.

"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, does not faint or grow weary; there is no searching of His understanding. He gives power to the faint and weary, and to him who has no might He increases strength [causing it to multipy and making it to abound]. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and [selected] young men shall feebly stumble and fall exhausted; But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift up their wings and mount up [close to God] as eagles [mount up to the sun]; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired." -Isaiah 40:28-31 [AMP]