So today was another great day. (Note the sarcasm.)
Dealt with all kinds of thoughts, as well as LOTS of work. Still don't feel like I've made much headway in that department. I thought when I added more hours, it would give me more time to get all this end of year stuff done earlier...I didn't realize even MORE work would appear to keep me from getting practically anything accomplished. I had such high hopes of starting the new year off right...with a cleaned up office, new computer up and running, etc., etc. So far, it looks like a lot of that will have to wait.
Anyway. Back to the point...
I've always LOVED writing. And when I say writing, I mean fictional stories. I used to spend my class periods (when I attended an actual school) writing stories. My best friend at the last school I attended (for 7th-9th grades) also loved to write. So we would read each other's stories during class and then give each other feedback. "This sounded weird...Maybe you should say something about this..." That kind of stuff. It was great. I still love writing, but it has been a VERY long time since I've been able to sit down and actually get anywhere. I can be taking a shower or putting on my makeup and be carrying on this inner dialogue...creating a whole story between characters. But when I sit down to put it on paper (or type it out on the computer), it always leaves me and I have nothing.
Well, I had a story come to me this evening. I sat down to write, but it just wasn't happening. Then I got on the computer and started to type. I've been balling like a baby. It's so sad to me! I know, I know..."Then why write a sad story?" It's not that I intend to. I had a great plot all going and then it just took a turn in that direction. Maybe because it made things more dramatic? Or maybe it was because life really isn't like the movies. Everything doesn't always have a happy ending. And since I've been dealing with quite a bit of that myself lately, I relate to it more? I don't know.
But despite the fact it's sad, it could turn out to be a good story if I could finish it, because there are some really good points I can make in it. But that does seem to be the hard part for me - finishing it! I actually started writing in the middle, because I felt if I tried to start from the beginning, I'd lose it and not get anywhere. So I started right where I was and I'm moving toward the end, then hopefully I'll be able to go back and write the beginning.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Well that was random...
So I went to my doctor's appointment today.
I walked in there and he greeted me as usual. When I got on the table for him to adjust me, he asked, "Have you met a guy since the last time I saw you?" The question caught me off guard, but I answered truthfully, "No." Then he asked me, "Are you sure?" Once again, I was kind of surprised. But I answered, "Yep." He then replied, "Okay. Well you have that happy 'I-just-met-a-guy' look today." I said, "Oh. Well, that's good though, I guess?" And I laughed.
I called my sister and told her about it. I told her I figure it's a good thing if I looked that happy, but it was definitely not because of a guy. And considering I was more than a little frustrated this afternoon and all that, I would say it was a very promising experience. I guess???
I walked in there and he greeted me as usual. When I got on the table for him to adjust me, he asked, "Have you met a guy since the last time I saw you?" The question caught me off guard, but I answered truthfully, "No." Then he asked me, "Are you sure?" Once again, I was kind of surprised. But I answered, "Yep." He then replied, "Okay. Well you have that happy 'I-just-met-a-guy' look today." I said, "Oh. Well, that's good though, I guess?" And I laughed.
I called my sister and told her about it. I told her I figure it's a good thing if I looked that happy, but it was definitely not because of a guy. And considering I was more than a little frustrated this afternoon and all that, I would say it was a very promising experience. I guess???
Friday, December 3, 2010
God's Love...Again
I guess this can be considered a continuation of my previous post? Either way...the topic is the same, sort of.
God's love is something that I never tire hearing about. There is so much to it that it is so hard to grasp the concept sometimes.
I've been wanting to post for awhile, and finally have the time/motivation to do so. Wednesday night some things came to my attention/happened that really upset me. (Shocker, I know.) I got rather angry and ticked off. I had been in a good mood for the whole day basically, then in an instant, all that changed. When I got home, I was upset with myself for letting that stuff affect me to such an extent. I went to bed a bit discouraged and disappointed with myself. The stress from everything was weighing on me too, and when I laid down to go to sleep, I just started crying.
Then God spoke to me. Not audibly...just in that still, small voice. "I want to hold you and comfort you." I started crying even more. I was amazed! "But how can You love me and want to be with me when I can't stand to be around myself?" I was so frustrated with myself, that if I could have gotten away from myself, I would have! And here was God telling me He WANTED to hold me and comfort me...which indicates He wanted to spend time with me in spite of the fact that I was in a foul mood!
I didn't understand it. Then He explained it. I have always felt like I wasn't good enough, like I needed to change this or that for someone to want me and love me. Even though I know there are people who love me no matter what, even they have said things in the past that made me feel like I needed to change this or that in order to receive their love. Well, God said, "You don't have to change or improve yourself to come to Me. I want you to come to Me just the way you are and allow Me to change you. That's the way it's supposed to be." But it doesn't make sense, because it seems like it's usually the other way with humans...change first, then I'll accept you. But God's love is different! "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." He doesn't expect us to change THEN come to Him. We are supposed to come to Him so that we can BE CHANGED! Amazing thought, isn't it?
Well, after He gave me that to think about, a scripture rose up in me. It's a good scripture, don't get me wrong! But there are other scriptures about His love I think would have been more appropriate...such as nothing can separate us from His love, etc., etc. But as this is the one that He gave me, I thought about it throughout the day Thursday.
"Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins." - 1 John 4:10.
Well, just before sitting down to write this, I did a little digging because I was curious as to why God would give me this verse. I found some interesting things. Here is food for thought:
According to Vine's dictionary of the Bible, "propitiation," as a verb, is the Greek "HILASKOMAI" and "was used among the Greeks with the significance to make the gods propitious, to appease, propitiate, inasmuch as their good will was not conceived as their natural attitude, but something to be earned first. This use of the word is foreign to the Greek Bible, with respect to God....It is never used of any act whereby man brings God into a favourable attitude or gracious disposition." God, by His own character and through the sacrifice of His own Son, dealt with sin so He can show us mercy and remove our guilt and sin. Vine's also says, "By the giving up of His sinless life sacrificially, Christ annuls the power of sin to separate between God and the believer."
Now, I know that is quite a bit, and the language isn't "common". But oh my gosh! This is good stuff. In reference to this particular scripture (1 John 4:10), the word for propitiation is "HILASMOS", which is a noun. It signifies "a means whereby sin is covered and remitted.....In 4:10, the fact that God 'sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins,' is shown to be the great expression of God's love toward man..."
So...on the surface, this is a scripture I've heard many times. I knew what "propitiation" was, but just generally. I knew it was essentially a "payment" for my sin, but when you study what it REALLY meant, in the time period in which it was written, you realize it is really SO MUCH MORE. The Greeks thought of "propitiation" as "I've got to do this and this to appease the gods so they will give me favor." But with God, "propitiation" is "I've sent my Son to appease the demands of My righteousness, so that you won't be separated from Me and in order to make you righteous."
Such a seemingly simple verse, when studied more closely, carries SO MUCH WEIGHT. "The fact that God 'sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins,' is shown to be the GREAT EXPRESSION OF GOD'S LOVE TOWARD MAN..."
Now THERE'S food for thought!
God's love is something that I never tire hearing about. There is so much to it that it is so hard to grasp the concept sometimes.
I've been wanting to post for awhile, and finally have the time/motivation to do so. Wednesday night some things came to my attention/happened that really upset me. (Shocker, I know.) I got rather angry and ticked off. I had been in a good mood for the whole day basically, then in an instant, all that changed. When I got home, I was upset with myself for letting that stuff affect me to such an extent. I went to bed a bit discouraged and disappointed with myself. The stress from everything was weighing on me too, and when I laid down to go to sleep, I just started crying.
Then God spoke to me. Not audibly...just in that still, small voice. "I want to hold you and comfort you." I started crying even more. I was amazed! "But how can You love me and want to be with me when I can't stand to be around myself?" I was so frustrated with myself, that if I could have gotten away from myself, I would have! And here was God telling me He WANTED to hold me and comfort me...which indicates He wanted to spend time with me in spite of the fact that I was in a foul mood!
I didn't understand it. Then He explained it. I have always felt like I wasn't good enough, like I needed to change this or that for someone to want me and love me. Even though I know there are people who love me no matter what, even they have said things in the past that made me feel like I needed to change this or that in order to receive their love. Well, God said, "You don't have to change or improve yourself to come to Me. I want you to come to Me just the way you are and allow Me to change you. That's the way it's supposed to be." But it doesn't make sense, because it seems like it's usually the other way with humans...change first, then I'll accept you. But God's love is different! "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." He doesn't expect us to change THEN come to Him. We are supposed to come to Him so that we can BE CHANGED! Amazing thought, isn't it?
Well, after He gave me that to think about, a scripture rose up in me. It's a good scripture, don't get me wrong! But there are other scriptures about His love I think would have been more appropriate...such as nothing can separate us from His love, etc., etc. But as this is the one that He gave me, I thought about it throughout the day Thursday.
"Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins." - 1 John 4:10.
Well, just before sitting down to write this, I did a little digging because I was curious as to why God would give me this verse. I found some interesting things. Here is food for thought:
According to Vine's dictionary of the Bible, "propitiation," as a verb, is the Greek "HILASKOMAI" and "was used among the Greeks with the significance to make the gods propitious, to appease, propitiate, inasmuch as their good will was not conceived as their natural attitude, but something to be earned first. This use of the word is foreign to the Greek Bible, with respect to God....It is never used of any act whereby man brings God into a favourable attitude or gracious disposition." God, by His own character and through the sacrifice of His own Son, dealt with sin so He can show us mercy and remove our guilt and sin. Vine's also says, "By the giving up of His sinless life sacrificially, Christ annuls the power of sin to separate between God and the believer."
Now, I know that is quite a bit, and the language isn't "common". But oh my gosh! This is good stuff. In reference to this particular scripture (1 John 4:10), the word for propitiation is "HILASMOS", which is a noun. It signifies "a means whereby sin is covered and remitted.....In 4:10, the fact that God 'sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins,' is shown to be the great expression of God's love toward man..."
So...on the surface, this is a scripture I've heard many times. I knew what "propitiation" was, but just generally. I knew it was essentially a "payment" for my sin, but when you study what it REALLY meant, in the time period in which it was written, you realize it is really SO MUCH MORE. The Greeks thought of "propitiation" as "I've got to do this and this to appease the gods so they will give me favor." But with God, "propitiation" is "I've sent my Son to appease the demands of My righteousness, so that you won't be separated from Me and in order to make you righteous."
Such a seemingly simple verse, when studied more closely, carries SO MUCH WEIGHT. "The fact that God 'sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins,' is shown to be the GREAT EXPRESSION OF GOD'S LOVE TOWARD MAN..."
Now THERE'S food for thought!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
My First Blog
This has been a crazy year of ups and downs for me. So many things have changed. So many things that I've had to face and deal with that were totally unexpected. And I still have a month left! EEK!
But with all the twists and turns, ups and downs, good and bad, etc., etc...God has been the one constant. I was blindsided by a lot of things this year. I've faced a lot of challenges and almost caved. But God. Throughout my life, and this year is no exception!, God has continued to be there for me. He has had faith in me when I haven't had faith in myself....and not that I really have faith in myself....it would be more accurate to say when I haven't had faith in the ability of God inside of me....because it's not supposed to be by my might or power anyway. So many times I have wanted to give up. So many times I have wondered if it was even worth it. I've made so many mistakes and they just seem to keep coming back.
God has blessed me immensely! I'm so thankful to have friends who see things in me that I can't see in myself! Friends who encourage me and want to see me succeed. Friends who care enough about me to tell me the truth, whether it's pleasant or not. However, I realize I can't base my self-worth on anyone else's view or opinion of me. While it's good to have people who believe in me, and see things in me I may not see, I can't live by that. My self-worth cannot be based on other people's views or opinions. I need a firm foundation to base my life on. Therefore, I have to live, first and foremost, by seeing myself the way GOD sees me. I have to first believe that I'm worth the price God paid for me. If I don't believe that, any human relationship is doomed for failure. I can't find my self worth in someone else. I have to find it in Him.
God's love is one of my favorite topics...probably because I still struggle with receiving that love. I know the things I've done, mistakes I've made, so how could God possibly still love me? I read something once somewhere...and now I can't remember where I got it, so this is plagiarizing....but if I ever find out where it came from, I'll give credit where credit is due...
"There is a tremendous relief in knowing that His love to me is utterly realistic, based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me, so that no discovery can now disillusion Him about me, in the way I am so often disillusioned about myself, and quench His determination to bless me. There is certainly great cause for humility in the thought that He sees all the twisted things about me that my fellowmen do not see...and that He sees more corruption in me than that which I see in myself....He wants me as His friend, and desires to be my friend, and has given His Son to die for me in order to realize this purpose."
Now, I realize God sees me through the blood of Jesus. He sees me as worthy and a king and priest, etc., etc. But when I realize He knows EVERY thought I've ever had. He knows EVERYTHING that has been in my heart...every motive...He knows it ALL. Yet He STILL wants me to know Him and He STILL wants me to have a deeper relationship with Him. THAT is truly amazing! How many times have I heard something about someone and thought that I didn't want to be their friend? "I can't believe they did that!" Yet, I'm no better than they are. I'm even worse than they are because of the fact I think I'm better! That is a lesson I'm learning...hopefully I'm a lot further along in it! (I like to think I've learned something about not judging others...) But God knows more about me than anyone else, and He STILL sent His Son to die so He could have a relationship with me PERSONALLY! There is no greater love than that...
And when faced with that love, how can I resist? How can I NOT give my heart to the One who gave so much for someone like me?
This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for that love. I'm thankful for a God who loves me unconditionally and has never given up on me. And I'm thankful for the friends He has placed in my life to help me along the way!
But with all the twists and turns, ups and downs, good and bad, etc., etc...God has been the one constant. I was blindsided by a lot of things this year. I've faced a lot of challenges and almost caved. But God. Throughout my life, and this year is no exception!, God has continued to be there for me. He has had faith in me when I haven't had faith in myself....and not that I really have faith in myself....it would be more accurate to say when I haven't had faith in the ability of God inside of me....because it's not supposed to be by my might or power anyway. So many times I have wanted to give up. So many times I have wondered if it was even worth it. I've made so many mistakes and they just seem to keep coming back.
God has blessed me immensely! I'm so thankful to have friends who see things in me that I can't see in myself! Friends who encourage me and want to see me succeed. Friends who care enough about me to tell me the truth, whether it's pleasant or not. However, I realize I can't base my self-worth on anyone else's view or opinion of me. While it's good to have people who believe in me, and see things in me I may not see, I can't live by that. My self-worth cannot be based on other people's views or opinions. I need a firm foundation to base my life on. Therefore, I have to live, first and foremost, by seeing myself the way GOD sees me. I have to first believe that I'm worth the price God paid for me. If I don't believe that, any human relationship is doomed for failure. I can't find my self worth in someone else. I have to find it in Him.
God's love is one of my favorite topics...probably because I still struggle with receiving that love. I know the things I've done, mistakes I've made, so how could God possibly still love me? I read something once somewhere...and now I can't remember where I got it, so this is plagiarizing....but if I ever find out where it came from, I'll give credit where credit is due...
"There is a tremendous relief in knowing that His love to me is utterly realistic, based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me, so that no discovery can now disillusion Him about me, in the way I am so often disillusioned about myself, and quench His determination to bless me. There is certainly great cause for humility in the thought that He sees all the twisted things about me that my fellowmen do not see...and that He sees more corruption in me than that which I see in myself....He wants me as His friend, and desires to be my friend, and has given His Son to die for me in order to realize this purpose."
Now, I realize God sees me through the blood of Jesus. He sees me as worthy and a king and priest, etc., etc. But when I realize He knows EVERY thought I've ever had. He knows EVERYTHING that has been in my heart...every motive...He knows it ALL. Yet He STILL wants me to know Him and He STILL wants me to have a deeper relationship with Him. THAT is truly amazing! How many times have I heard something about someone and thought that I didn't want to be their friend? "I can't believe they did that!" Yet, I'm no better than they are. I'm even worse than they are because of the fact I think I'm better! That is a lesson I'm learning...hopefully I'm a lot further along in it! (I like to think I've learned something about not judging others...) But God knows more about me than anyone else, and He STILL sent His Son to die so He could have a relationship with me PERSONALLY! There is no greater love than that...
And when faced with that love, how can I resist? How can I NOT give my heart to the One who gave so much for someone like me?
This Thanksgiving, I'm thankful for that love. I'm thankful for a God who loves me unconditionally and has never given up on me. And I'm thankful for the friends He has placed in my life to help me along the way!
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