So I never blog anymore, but there is so much going on....so much that I have in my heart....it's one of those times where there is so much I feel like I need to say something and get some of it out.
Life is funny. You can go along for a decent amount of time and everything seems good. Then all of a sudden, it's like all hell breaks loose. Or maybe it's not really like hell breaking loose, just enough to get you feeling overwhelmed and distracted. That would be me.
Last year was great! I was happy; I felt I was growing and improving in areas I wanted to; I was seeing things I dreamed about and wished and waited for for years come to pass. It was great. It was so great I let my guard down.
Now don't get me wrong, things in my life aren't BAD. But I have found myself growing dissatisfied. I feel like I have moved backwards in my walk with God instead of forward. I have not quit praying that I grow more sensitive to His Spirit and know Him more, but I have found myself sadly lacking in the application side of that. There are quite a few things I have seen in myself that I am not pleased with. Which is funny, because I remember I have prayed for God to show me things that are in me that I need to address and to shine a light in dark areas. Seems like that is happening, but I have not been so great about addressing those issues with Him and allowing Him to change those things in me. The Bible says that we are the vines and He is the branch "and He cleanses and repeatedly prunes every branch that continues to bear fruit, to make it bear more and richer and more excellent fruit." (John 15:2, AMP) So I guess it must be pruning time!
But I say that to say this, I have been convicted in my heart about complaining and not guarding my words very closely. I was talking with Cary (my fiancé, for those who don't know), and he brought up some scriptures that helped me. The truth is, when God is moving and doing something good and His plan is coming to pass, satan is NOT happy! He does not want to see us enjoying life and God's blessings. He is going to attack and try to ruin it. But it is up to US, to each individual, to recognize his attacks and not allow him to have any place in our lives. That is what I am seeing in my life right now. I was curious about the scriptures that Cary brought up and decided to pull out my Jewish Bible, which I think I heard is supposed to be the most literal translation of the Bible. (Whether or not that is true, I can't say.) It was so powerful to me!
Ephesians 4:25-27, 29-32 (Complete Jewish Bible): Therefore, stripping off falsehood, let everyone speak truth with his neighbor, because we are intimately related to each other as parts of a body. Be angry, but don't sin - don't let the sun go down before you have dealt with the cause of your anger; otherwise you leave room for the Adversary....Let no harmful language come from your mouth, only good words that are helpful in meeting the need, words that will benefit those who hear them. Don't cause grief to God's Ruach HaKodesh, for he has stamped you as his property until the day of final redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, violent assertiveness and slander, along with all spitefulness. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted; and forgive each other, just as in the Messiah God has also forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:26-27, 29-32 (Message): Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry - but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life...Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift. Don't grieve God. Don't break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don't take such a gift for granted. Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 6:10-18 (Complete Jewish Bible): Finally, grow powerful in union with the Lord, in union with his mighty strength! Use all the armor and weaponry that God provides, so that you will be to stand against the deceptive tactics of the Adversary. For we are not struggling against human beings, but against the rulers, authorities and cosmic powers governing this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm. So take up every piece of war equipment God provides; so that when the evil day comes, you will be able to resist; and when the battle is won, you will still be standing. Therefore, stand! Have the belt of truth buckled around your waist, put on righteousness for a breastplate, and wear on your feet the readiness that comes from the Good News of shalom. Always carry the shield of trust, with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the Evil One. And take the helmet of deliverance; along with the sword given by the Spirit, that is, the Word of God; as you pray at all times, with all kinds of prayers and requests, in the Spirit, vigilantly and persistently, for all God's people.
It is so encouraging! God has given us His Spirit, who knows everything we need to know. Because of that, we are not ignorant of how satan attacks! We can be prepared for those attacks! And God gives us the tools we need to resist and stand firm during the attack! When things come at me, I'm not alone, trying to barely make it through! He is right there with me! He has already won the victory for me! So in spite of all the failures, the shortcomings, etc., that I've seen in myself recently, I know He has heard my prayer for forgiveness. He has granted me that, and I am walking forward, strengthened by His Spirit!
